The Hoarchive

Satire, freshly squeezed from Warwick Uni

The Hoar book, pictured on a white studio background.

Elect Theodora for something… anything

Is it too late?!?!

Elect Theodora for something… anything

Disclaimer: Theodora sadly does not exist. 

Is it too late?!?!

I am running. For once, not from something, but for something.

I don’t want to get behind in the game of CVs. I can string together vacuous bullet pointed agenda, meaningless koan-pic, and pointless adjective trilogies like the best of them.

Here is my well crafted event; its aim is to surreptitiously trick you into believing that success in my life is more important than in yours. I need you to waste your time to no end of your own, so as tick or click some box somewhere that will put me in a place of power. I’ll do the rest from there on.

As yet, I’m undecided what you all should elect me for: my current status of non-existence renders registration quite difficult. But if you vote for me everywhere, I’ll eventually get lucky, surely?

You see, a society under me is a better society. Boring continuity for you, and increased employability for me.

“Gigantic careerist arse”

So, help me fill out the blank spaces. Show the world I didn’t just do pointless things like learning at university. I had the appearance of having friends, power, and influence.

This about me, not you, and that’s why I love it.


*The above adjective trilogy is the choice of words Disraeli used to describe Bishop Samuel Wilberforce, should any of you be vaguely interested.