The Hoarchive

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Shocking Survey of Warwick Students Finds ‘Morality Is Dead’

A survey of Warwick University students has found that they have, on average, a very low set of moral standards.

Shocking Survey of Warwick Students Finds ‘Morality Is Dead’

Questions such as “do you intend to pursue a career in investment banking” and “would you consider punching a homeless man for money” were answered in the affirmative by 77 percent of respondents, whereas those after “a fulfilling and meaningful career with little financial reward” were firmly in the minority, at 12 percent.

A spokesperson for the university had this to say: “We at The University of Warwick are committed to ensuring all those that walk through our doors emerge after three years as elite members of society, and as such we try to instil in them values associated with success: determination, narcissism and a healthy disregard for the needs of others.

“We are so heavily invested in the futures of our students that we take any measure available to encourage competition; our students fight for study space, decent living conditions and the will to carry on each and every day, and we feel that this is the perfect way in which to build character and prepare them for the wider world.”

In the current economic climate, with thousands upon thousands of graduates finding themselves unemployed for as much as two years after graduation, it is certainly a consoling thought that the university would take such good care of its students, especially with the pittance that those seeking an education have to pay.