The Hoarchive

Satire, freshly squeezed from Warwick Uni

The Hoar book, pictured on a white studio background.

Hoar ‘just an angry loner’

The Hoar is no more than an ‘angry loner’.

Hoar ‘just an angry loner’

Theo Hoar, 19, has been exposed as Warwick’s Hoar.

Mr Hoar, a Computer Science student at the University of Warwick, is recognisable for his velcro leather shoes, bootcut jeans, large hoodie, ponytail and bum-fluff moustache. Mr Hoar has never spoken to a girl and has far-right sympathies.

The revelation follows allegations that the Hoar may be a ‘platform for all expression’, which welcomes internal debate and is free of any agenda. Suggestions had been made that the Hoar ‘did not seek to choke all about it with stagnant neo-libertarian conservatism’ and, to repeat, ‘sought to peddle no agenda’. Mr Hoar’s admission of guilt extinguishes such possibilities.

It is now apparent that all articles published by the Hoar come directly from Mr Hoar, and are a deliberate attempt to manipulate the plastic minds of Warwick students to his revolting personal ambitions.

Claims that the Hoar was conceived as an ‘intentionally contradictory’ space for discussion have been roundly discredited.

Warwick is hoarse with calling thee to arms.William Shakespeare, King Henry VI, part II: V, ii