Space hog arrested for historic sex crimes
The cartoon character has been remanded in custody following allegations of sexual assault.
The lovable cartoon Space Hog, who has been appearing on the desks and in the minds of Warwick students throughout the Library, was remanded in custody today following a spate of allegations of sexual offences dating back to the 1990s.
Back when he was Road Hog… what he actually meant was ‘Stop, Look, Grab, Don’t Tell Mummy’
Although the abstract concept of ownership in hog form has only emerged on Warwick literature this year, he has been living in and around the greater Coventry area for the past thirty years. West Midlands Police announced today that he had been incarcerated for a spate of offences dating back to 1997 against minors on the school run.
“Back when he was Road Hog, he told people to ‘Stop, Look, Listen, Live’. What he actually meant was ‘Stop, Look, Grab, Don’t Tell Mummy,’” PC Policeman said in a statement to the press earlier. “Well, we’ve caught him now. Coming out of hiding to be the face of an anti-desk hoarding campaign was the biggest mistake he could have made.”
“He’s been hiding in the bush for a while now”. At this point, he looked down, chuckled to himself, and repeated “bush”, before looking up with a serious face again.
They might have to start actually getting into campus at a reasonable time.
What this means for the future of desk hoarding at Warwick University is unclear. Without a figurehead to rally behind, it’s unlikely the spineless worms who actually play by the rules of the hog will be able to claim the desks of people on a quick lunch break. They might have to start actually getting into campus at a reasonable time.