The Hoarchive

A vote on the controversial Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership was meant to sign off a simple piece of virtue-signalling from a largely left-wing base of activists and repugnant careerists, but the end result was anything but straightforward.

The University of Warwick’s top logicians are still reeling from Friday evening’s peculiar results, revealing that ‘the Students Union was entering an unknown arena of democratic superposition’, after official results from the SU depicted both a substantial win and a marginal loss for those supporting ‘Students Against TTIP’. Despite votes for the motion clearly not surpassing the number of abstentions (657 voted for, 708 abstained), the above histogram shows a contradictory result, with an abstentions bar that is significantly shorter than the bar indicating support for the motion.

This puts the SU into difficult and uncharted waters. SU president, Thomas Watt has explained that “never before has Warwick SU had to passionately rail against a subject whilst simultaneously expressing indifference towards it,” and that the SU’s official procedure in such a circumstance is to “try and formulate some kind of superpositional legislation.”

Even the Warwick physics department’s most esteemed academics were left dumbfounded by the results. An unnamed quantum physicist stated that the denouement of last week’s All Student Meeting has “shaken the foundations of mathematical logic,” and that “universities and institutions all around the world are directing their resources to resolve such a dire and confusing situation.”

Suggestions that the aforementioned statistical mistakes were simply down to an inputting error were shot down by the SU, which described such an eventuality was “not convoluted enough to consider,” and that “simple and usually correct explanations for problems do not allow us to waste our time in an effective manner.”

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