Students to ‘pay off national debt’

Leak allegedly reveals treasury plans to make students ‘pay off national debt’ in addition to student loans.

Students to ‘pay off national debt’

A leak has revealed that the government is allegedly planning to ask students to take on the burden of the United Kingdom’s national debt, in addition to their own debts.

“Students already seem prepared to cover the costs of operating all the universities,” a treasury source told the Hoar, “so we don’t expect them to kick up much of a fuss if we get them to shoulder the national debt too.”

Students already seem prepared to cover the costs of operating all the universities, so we don’t expect them to kick up much of a fuss if we get them to shoulder national debt too.

National debt is currently approximately £1.7 trillion, which — when shared between each of the 2.5 million undergraduates currently studying in the UK — will only add £680,000 to each student’s existing debt.

Our source explained the alleged justification for the move. “Most other individuals in the UK either already contribute a substantial amount of tax revenue, are in control of large offshore firms that are important to the British economy or are protected by unions.

“Though students are ostensibly protected by the NUS, it does not appear to see preventing policy decisions — such as this — which pose a danger too all members of the student body as part of its remit.

The NUS will be too busy boycotting things and deciding its stance on issues of global politics to notice.

“We’re hoping the NUS will be too busy boycotting things and deciding its official stance on issues of global politics to notice the debt transfer.”