Rootes Grocery Store ‘delighted’ to sell its first ever apple
Representatives from Warwick SU’s primary retail outlet have announced that an apple has been sold for the first time since its rebranding eighteen months ago.
Sam Boddie, a second year historian, purchased a Pink Lady apple for 70 pence during his lunch break on Friday afternoon. He claimed he “just fancied a change” from his habit of large bags of ludicrously cheap snack foods.
“I usually get the stuff that everyone gets”, he reflected, “you know: a chicken tikka baguette, a packet of Maryland cookies for 80p, and an enormous bag of Sensations for a pound. I’ve briefly considered fruit before, but this time I went through with it rather than just getting shite like always.”
The checkout assistant who served Sam was overwhelmed by the occasion. “I couldn’t believe it. No one’s ever tried to buy any fruit before. I reminded him that you can buy four chocolate brownies for the same price, but he told me he’d bought those yesterday and felt terrible after eating them all in ten minutes.”
Store Manager Chris Ostcutter celebrated the ‘momentous occasion’, claiming it was a real ‘step in the right direction’ for the store. “Someone actually asked how much a banana was yesterday”, he added. “She didn’t buy it, but this shows real progress.”
Several more students have been spotted perusing the illusive fruit section since Friday, including one incident where a student briefly examined a punnet of grapes.
Sam has been thanked on behalf of the store for his remarkable decision. When asked if he would continue his progressive lunch selections, he reflected that it was “a bit expensive” and that “they’ve just started doing Pringles for 99p and I bloody love those so probably not.”
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