Warwick 2026: Panda secures eleventh term

A controversial constitutional adjustment permits Panda to hold post-grad power until he can legally claim a pension

Warwick 2026: Panda secures eleventh term

Prominent Warwick institution, Nat Panda, has announced that he seeks to run for re-election next year, confirming a decision widely anticipated following the approval of constitutional changes.

Faced with little opposition to his abolition of the 10 term limit to sabbatical positions, Panda has cleared the way to rule until he can legally claim a pension.

The fractured puppet opposition has announced that it plans to contest each election until then, however, short of a revolution, their prospects of making real change are embarrassingly limited.

Despite pressure from the NUS to at least provide an appearance of due democratic process, and Mandela’s long-standing promise of £10,000 for any sabb officer who willfully stands down following the completion of their term, Panda looks set to press ahead, citing the lack of alternatives, and the burden of accountability to his near-fanatical support base.

“You requested me to lead post-graduates again after 2027. Given the importance and consideration you attach to this, I can only accept. But I don’t think that what we need is an eternal leader.”

Why might Panda be struggling to pass on the baton to a successor?

One suggestion is the addictive nature of extreme power; as the ultimate aphrodisiac, life after postgrad rule may seem dull and bland. Swapping power lunches and groupies for Greggs and a crossword lacks a certain zeal.

Alternatively, policy expert Will T’peur notes that “life for a former leader can often be tough given the weakness of the rule of amongst students’ unions — a successor may be willing use deadly means to secure their own legacy against the threat of a former ruler’s return”.

However, it may simply be a fear of finishing his studies and getting a real job that keeps Panda glued to the postgrad throne.