Remain voters 'hoping for bad news'

Remain voters all over campus are hoping for catastrophe to strike, in order to prove that they were right all along.

Remain voters 'hoping for bad news'

All over the country, Facebook feeds are filled with nihilist sentiment and frenzied sharing of even slightly negative articles and quotes.

“Personally, I’m hoping Germany declares war or a meteor hits. I think I can blame that on the referendum,” adamant remainer and miniature media mogul Anisah Spiteworth said.

Unfortunately, the country has been annoyingly fine, with the economy on track, parliament more or less in check, and foreign relations largely unaffected. (Pull the other one. Ed.)

“It seems as if the referendum didn’t actually matter that much,” said another meek remainer. “Sure the pound is down, but apparently that’s good for exports. Maybe Farage will go on a gun rampage in Lidl. That’d be nice.”