The Hoarchive

Satire, freshly squeezed from Warwick Uni

The Hoar book, pictured on a white studio background.

Designer of piazza steps ‘disappointed’ that they’re mostly used for drinking

The Swiss architect and prominent teetotaller, Titot Alstair Case, was upset to find that students primarily drink on his steps.

Designer of piazza steps ‘disappointed’ that they’re mostly used for drinking

Titot Alstair Case, the Swiss architect and teetotaller who designed the piazza steps, has expressed his ‘sincere disappointment’ on discovering that they are primarily used as a place to drink.

“I have never allowed the polluting fluid to pass my lips”, Mr Case told us, “so I was appalled to see several hundred students gulping Carlsberg and warm prosecco on my steps, during a recent tour of the university.

“The purpose of my design was to provide students with an alternative to the vice of drink. I envisaged hoards of youths joyously jumping from one step to another, engaging in wholesome activities such as skiing, yodelling and corporate corruption.

“It saddens me deeply to see that, even with such excellent facilities, students continue to imbibe.”

The sculptor responsible for the Koan, Mrs I Dropp D’Annicecream, recently praised the way in which Warwick so rapidly formed a cult around her sculpture, as she had intended.