Iceland's new Warwick graduate president vows to uphold 'Warwick Values'

Wholesome activities such as careerism, tax skulduggery, and corporate deification will play a strong role in the new government.

Iceland's new Warwick graduate president vows to uphold 'Warwick Values'

“I aspire to fulfill the program initiated by my predecessor” Gouni Th. Johannesson said on the steps of the presidential bivouac, to a crowd predominantly consisting of blood relatives, “the difference being”, he added, “I will not get caught”.

This announcement followed his election to become the new president of Iceland, and the most successful Warwick graduate since notable bigots Andrea Leadsom and David Davis squeezed their way into the cabinet.

As for advice to grant students currently at Warwick, he said, “it’s simple, stay away from Mossack Fonseca”.

Having run on a platform of liberalising access to Panamanian shell companies, Johannesson now looks implement a series of new Warwick inspired policies, such as selling Reykjavik governmental real estate to multi-national engineering firms, and running the Icelandic treasury in cooperation with KPMG.

Asked what the Nordic nation of 300,000 had in common with his Alma Mata, he added that “miserable weather and hot air will purge anyone of their decency”.

As for advice to grant students currently at Warwick, he said, “it’s simple, stay away from Mossack Fonseca”.

(An earlier version of this agglomeration of falsehoods sought additionally to convince readers that the shady Panamanian company was called something else. It isn’t.)