Campus security brutally enforce new ‘leavers hoodie’ laws

Spike in ‘studentphobia’ feared as students told to remove pre-university garments.

Campus security brutally enforce new ‘leavers hoodie’ laws

Standing by the book return conveyor belt, an engineering student received his first taste of the oppressive new campus clothing laws after he was approached by a library steward and asked to leave the premises. Outside the library, he was then accosted by a security worker, who forced him to remove the Leavers 2k14 hoodie that he was wearing.

This comes as a result of new rules on campus that state further education must be taken seriously, and any clothing which promotes or reminds students of easier days prior to university are forbidden from campus.

At first the student — who remains anonymous — did not comply, saying “you what? What the hell man?” Security responded with the threat of a fine and expulsion.

“I’d just finished, printed, and declared complete via all streams of social media, my dissertation — and wanted to wear something comfortable to return my library books. How does it make any sense that someone can dictate my clothing as though it affects how I think or behave?” said the final year student, in tears.

A witness of the scene confirmed the events and said, “I didn’t think it was serious when I first heard that we couldn’t wear leavers hoodies, or have Bob the Builder pencil cases anymore. Yet the evidence is clear; student customs are not welcome in this reactionary climate where perceptions that all students are basic is at an all-time high.”

The Students’ Union may soon appeal the ruling, but still hasn’t heard back after it was banned from protesting, so it’s unlikely anything will happen.