University to be shut down should building work cease

Inspection of the university’s lease has revealed a clause stating that the university will be closed down should building work ever cease.

University to be shut down should building work cease

The document reveals that the University of Warwick leasehold contract was only imagined as a temporary arrangement and as such states that the land “will be repossessed twelve months after building work has been completed”, explaining the university’s non-stop construction works.

“The university’s contract states that the university is to close a year after its construction is completed,’ said Miya Kuntsitchy, a university insider. ‘We’ve got around this problem is by continually building and expanding the university, even when the new buildings are completely useless to the majority of students and staff and are just there to house engineering firms.”

The contract also contains many other clauses, apparently envisaged as a way to stop the university pursuing such a strategy by making the new campus so unpleasant that there would be no students remaining by the end of its first year, including a stipulation that the university must keep a flock of canada geese, contain brutalist architecture and be built in Coventry instead of Warwick.

An earlier version of this article contained an egregious misspelling of ‘its’. We apologise unreservedly to all who were harmed in this sad incident.