The Hoarchive

Satire, freshly squeezed from Warwick Uni

The Hoar book, pictured on a white studio background.

Oculus opens, Sauron emerges

New study space and lecture complex begins hovering in the sky as eternal sentinel

Oculus opens, Sauron emerges

Students expressed their disdain this morning as the freshly opened Oculus building took to the skies and began its dictatorial rule. “I thought I’d easily make it to my languages seminar in ten minutes,” sad one, “but now the whole building’s started levitating several feet from the ground and firing death rays, which has thrown a real spanner in the works”

Others worried about the future of the university. “Not only could this herald the end of the world, it also renders several other learning spaces redundant. I can’t  imagine anyone will use PLT after today. Especially since it’s now a charred husk.”

“Plenty of people are questioning the necessity of the so-called apocalypse but nobody is asking about the university’s long-term strategy.”

A source within the Illuminati, who constructed the building, fretted the name was “a bit too candid”, fearing it might give away their continued monitoring of every student on campus.

“We thought building a giant eye-shaped monstrosity already gave off some surveillance-y, dystopian vibes, but now they’ve called it the oculus which is a right giveaway.”

“Our nearby conical structure for communicating with mother base was already attracting far too much attention, now this dirty great lens thing is really going to blow our cover.”

“The fact that it’s begun hovering in midair is frankly just the icing on the cake.”

Others showed optimism. Steve Bingledink, University chair member and Shaman of the Coming Darkness, said “We’ve all been doing our bit, sacrificing goats and filing planning applications, so it’s really gratifying to see it all pay off.”

“Just you wait until we open that engineering complex! Then the students asking specifically to live on campus will have a variety of places to go to lectures in!”