The Hoarchive

Satire, freshly squeezed from Warwick Uni

The Hoar book, pictured on a white studio background.

Worrying increase in STEM Nazism over reading week

As tensions between STEM and non-STEM students rise over reading week an increasing number of students have joined a group promoting an ideology known as STEM nazism.

Worrying increase in STEM Nazism over reading week

An unnamed supporter who we spotted marching through campus in formation with his colleagues, all wearing brown Warwick hoodies told us that he supported STEM (sciences, technology, engineering, maths) nazism because ‘we need a final solution to rid our campus of these inferior parasites who are slacking off on reading week and are probably sitting in bed writing shitty Hoar articles while we work for our degrees in real subjects, but in the mean time they should probably just wear some sort of identifying badge and surrender their student cards or something.’

Jack Goebbels the publicity officer of the STEM National Socialist Society, the main promoters the ideology, had this to say about the origins of the ideology. ‘STEM nazism came about when our leader, who has always been a STEM student and never studied the history of art as the culturally-marxist non-STEM SU like to claim, accidently came across the library’s copy of Mein Kampf and realised that it accurately described the situation at Warwick University in the present but that it was humanities students and not jews who were the true enemies of the STEM master race.’

‘STEM nazism is about taking our university back from those who study inferior non-STEM subjects like English, history and biology and the marxist pressure groups that they control, like Warwick For Free Education and the Students Union’ says Mr Goebbels, an economics student, ‘We want to make Warwick great again, the university is currently suffering a severe shortage of study space (Studieraum) and non-STEM subjects are a waste of valuable resources and library space that could go towards students studying real degrees.

These inferior non-STEM students are a parasite on our society and control the Oxbridge admissions process which prioritises non-STEM places, so if you didn’t get into Cambridge, it was because you were stabbed in the back by a non-STEM student.’

Mr Goebbels refused to comment on the actual policies of the STEM National Socialist Society, which are rumoured to include invading Coventry University and deporting students they consider to be non-STEM to Westwood, only promising to make Warwick Uni great again and also refused to comment on rumours that they are planning to launch a putsch from the Dirty Duck once the humanities students have returned from reading week.