Warwick unmoved by French students’ fatal mannequin challenge attempt

The entirety of Warwick’s French student population has taken part in the so-called ‘mannequin challenge’.

Warwick unmoved by French students’ fatal mannequin challenge attempt

The students have taken plaudits for what one observer has described as: “the most moving yet unmoving display of expressionless, unimpressed pretension I have ever seen.”

Felicity Goodchops, a second-year history and French student, was also taken aback by the performance:

“It was as though they really were mannequins. Even if I’d have picked their noses, I’m sure they would have given me the very same vacant stare.”

“It’s the best mannequin challenge I’ve seen yet” Felicity continued. “The fact they wear designer clothes and have such perfectly gaunt faces makes it seem even more authentic.”

Ms Goodchops says that she has never spoken to a French student at Warwick, despite the fact she speaks French. However, she said that this time, the refusal of the French students to talk to her, or even recognise her existence was “unmistakably mannequin-like.”

The performance took place across campus, with French students — as though well practised — freezing simultaneously in mannequin pose.

Gareth Walleyman, a finalist in politics and international relations recalls first seeing the performance:

“I was chatting (one-sidedly) to my course-mate Jean-Pierre-Paul-Papin De Toussain-L’Ongname, when he just froze all of a sudden…

“…It was unbelievable. Hardly noticeable. It was as though he was exactly the same person” Gareth said. “Jean had always been a little aloof, so when he ceased to move, I wasn’t sure if he just joking.

“But then I remembered that French people are incapable of joking…“ he continued.

“So, when I heard that he and the rest of the French students were taking part in the mannequin challenge, it clicked: that’s why Jean ignores me? He’s been keeping up the challenge all along.

“It’s quite stunning really,” Mr Walleyman concluded.

Here at the Hoar, we sent our French correspondent Will Stirr to investigate. However, Mr Stirr found that none of the participants were available for comment. From Mr Stirr’s time in France, he notes that French people are notoriously difficult to talk to.

One female French student gave Mr Stirr a rude and impersonal stare, but this was as close to a comment as the Hoar was able to gather. It appears as though the performance will carry on for some time yet.

For now, at least, the entirety of Warwick’s French student population appear trapped in the existential void of the ‘mannequin challenge’.

Indeed, it is yet to be determined whether or not the French students have in fact become mannequins.

Or have they always been mannequins? Either way, the performance remains remarkable.

It is unclear whether any of the French students will come back to life.

So this is hell. I’d never have believed it. You remember all we were told about the torture-chambers, the fire and brimstone, the “burning marl”. Old wives’ tales! There’s no need for red-hot pokers. Hell is—other people!Jean-Paul Sartre, ‘No Exit’