The Hoarchive

Tributes have been flying in following the sorry deletion of Warwick Goose’s facebook account, following a flustered fracas about the nature of his species on a human website. The sentiment has even hatched the hashtag #honkersoutforgoose, which, as yet, has not been trending.

The decision to close the account has sparked vitriol amongst his closest supporters, with many now searching for the culprit behind the deed.

“Facebook doesn’t delete profiles without reason,” declared PhD wildfowl migration student . Wann, “we’re going to catch the bastard who did this, and probably just hiss at them for a while, this is a clear-cut case of speciesism in the twenty-first century”. At the time of writing, it is understood that the culprit remains at large.

Warwick Goose was not entirely free from controversy, and was awaiting trial over a series of racially charged attacks in the Heronbank area.

Others have taken to mourning the death of Goose, and, in doing so, celebrating his life and legacy. A visibly sombre third year Oology student, Pete Gin, sobbed that “he didn’t harm anyone, he was just an innocent goose trying to bring joy to a mean, anthropocentric world”. This grave sentiment has been echoed all around the darkening banks of Warwick’s shitty pond, with some students floating out his effigy for a Viking burial.

Cars parked outside Bluebell have already consecrated midday tomorrow for a minutes honk in his honour.

Reception of the news, however, has been mixed: Warwick Goose was not entirely free from controversy, and was awaiting trial over a series of racially charged attacks in the Heronbank area. He was even overheard in a drunken rant at the Dirty Duck decrying “those bloody Herons, with their telegraph nests and their long legs, coming over here from bloody Eastern Europe and taking our bread”. A claim for which he later apologised, stating that “there are plenty of hardworking Herons born and raised in this country who don’t even care for bread, Herons are all part of a healthy and dynamic multi-species ecosystem”.

Rumours have even circulated that an unknown human was curating the Facebook profile, yet these were never substantiated.

Blame now rests firmly on the wings of Warwick Duck, who for a while has been eyeing up an opening in the Warwick Wildfowl humour market.

With regards to the culprit, fingers were briefly pointed at Goose’s comedic competitor, Theodora Hoar. Yet suspicion was swiftly dropped after it emerged that Theodora is scarcely sober enough doing anything.

Blame now rests firmly on the wings of Warwick Duck, who for a while has been eyeing up an opening in the Warwick Wildfowl humour market.

For now, Goose joins a growing graveyard for non-human heroes who have met a sorry end at the hands of corporate decisions. A candle-lit vigil is to be announced shortly.

RIP Warwick Goose, you were too pure for this world.