‘Everything is fine, everyone is OK’ claims maths department

The maths department’s reaction to an SU mental health campaign is, apparently, ‘entirely unsuspicious’.

‘Everything is fine, everyone is OK’ claims maths department

The university’s director of press and construction, Peter Notfinished, released a short statement earlier today confirming to the student body that the mathematics department’s stonewalling of the SU over the promotion of programmes designed to promote healthy working practises for students under pressure was not in the slightest bit suspicious or worthy of reflection.

“Students in the mathematics department are all very happy and tasked with very reasonable workloads,” the statement reads, “which is why none of them would be in the slightest bit interested in what an unhealthy workload looks like.  Any effort thinking about or acting on this premise would be wasteful.”

A third year undergraduate maths student cheerily told a Hoar, “I am happy and fulfilled by my course. I have never felt under unreasonable pressure nor have I ever questioned exactly what my £9,000 is paying for. I am dropping out for unrelated reasons.”

The SU programme, named ‘Are you OK?’, works rather well so long as the student answers ‘yes’.

A representative from the department further rejected the suggestion that lecture capture, removing the need for students to attend the department building or interact with any of the mathematicians entirely, would reveal the undergraduate maths course to have secretly been four years of unpleasant private study all along.