Petition launched to install a fireplace in every room on campus

Fireplaces could soon be installed in every university teaching room.

Petition launched to install a fireplace in every room on campus

A petition has been launched to install a small wood-burning fireplace in every single teaching room on campus by first year sociology and monotony student Donna Havajumpa. Reaching nearly 10,000 signatures in five minutes, the petition is set to become one of the most supported in university history.

On the topic of the petition, Donna said ‘I just can’t believe how cold it is in every single room! Having the heating set to 30 degrees centigrade is nowhere near good enough, I want to be able to fry a fucking egg on my laptop.’

The petition has gained support from rival campus groups Warwick Against Polar Bears and Warwick for the Slow Agonising Death of Polar Bears, as well as the local Green Party candidate, Warren Peace.

Upon being asked about the petition, Mr Peace said, ‘Install fireplaces? I thought you said abolish! How did you get in my house, please put the hammer down before you hu-’.

If the petition gets approved by the university, students could see these fireplaces installed by the end of 2026 after construction ceases on the new new WBS building on the site of the current humanities department, which is being relocated to Sydenham in January.

‘We hope to use the books salvaged from the demolition of humanities as a fuel source for the first day or two’, said Donna, ‘After that we’ll be chopping down the campus tree and going from there’.

‘I hear sierra redwood is cheap at this time of year.’