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Stagecoach employee promoted after ‘stroke of genius’

Stagecoach has rewarded the employee responsible for its new pass replacement policy with a place on its board of directors.

Stagecoach employee promoted after ‘stroke of genius’

One of the many employees of Stagecoach’s bureaucratic apparatus has been promoted after coming up with an idea on how make more money without investing in a better service.

Stagecoach office worker Dick Turpin Jr was promoted and given a place on Stagecoach’s board of directors for his suggestion that Stagecoach should make students pay full price for replacement bus passes, rather than a small £25 fee, as previously.

Ebenezer Monopoly, CEO of Stagecoach stated “we are happy to welcome Mr Turpin on to our board of directors.

“His sort of innovations are exactly what this board needs to make Stagecoach great again and stop our exploitation at the hands of the unscrupulous students who are taking advantage of our company and bringing it to its knees through their ruthless exploitation of our generous bus pass replacement policy, as they seek to use our excellent, and already reasonably priced, services for less than it costs to run them”.

Mr Monopoly refused to comment regarding recent discussions from conspiracy theorists who claim to have uncovered evidence that Stagecoach is descended from eighteenth century highwaymen who realised that they could rob more people through running Stagecoaches than holding them up.