The Hoarchive

Satire, freshly squeezed from Warwick Uni

The Hoar book, pictured on a white studio background.

Slate building actually an expensive decoy

The Slate building, Warwick’s newest capitalistic venture, is just a decoy, purpose-built for free education protestors.

Slate building actually an expensive decoy

The new £5.3 million ‘business and conference centre’ is actually designated as ‘the building for the hordes to throw themselves at’ in leaked management memos, we can exclusively reveal.

The news has come as something as a blow for the protestors, who read these updates on their anti-capitalistic Apple products.

One said “this is awful. This actually makes our protest useless in the grand scheme of things, and that’s something that has never before been the case. Vive l’anticapitaliste”.

The news comes as the protestors received extra hummus supplies, ironically meaning that those left now have to carry out a cost-benefit analysis.

Stuart Croft, vice-chancellor, commented “we probably shouldn’t have spent so much, to be honest. But then we realised that 5.3 million quid would really piss them off, so we went for it.

“I will say that none of the money came from Warwick though! It was all donated by Nigel Thrift as a sort of goodbye gift. Maybe we can actually use it for conferences one day.”

When asked if he was worried that the protestors would move now that they knew the truth, Croft replied, “Nah, they won’t give up. Flogging a dead horse is their speciality’.

When asked if this was the case, one protestor commented “we aren’t leaving. The hummus was too expensive for that to happen”.