The Hoarchive

Satire, freshly squeezed from Warwick Uni

The Hoar book, pictured on a white studio background.

Vice-chancellor levies avocado tax to fund new humanities building

Vice-chancellor Stuart Croft has announced that he will introduce a tax on avocadoes and hummus at Rootes Grocery Store to fund the construction of a new £31 million humanities building

Vice-chancellor levies avocado tax to fund new humanities building

This follows a failed attempt by university administration to compel arts students to pay for the building themselves. The measure has elicited outrage among students with a “Warwick for Avocado” march planned this weekend.

A representative from the Faculty of Arts, Miss Kay El, today cancelled a planned strategy meeting in University House with Warwick officials after renewed criticism of her position by the student electorate.

This comes as Miss Kay El faces the lowest ratings of her leadership, and an upcoming student election. While her opposition may be analysed as a political move by the student body, the elected representative had little choice but to ensure she was not bullied into seemingly unfair concessions by university administration.

The measure has been widely praised by Croft-supporting science and business students, who continue to view those in the humanities as outsiders and a drain on resources. The avocado tax reinforces Croft’s desire to “Make Warwick Great Again”, following the implementation of a Warwick First policy, and his repeal of the previous leader’s programme of Thrift-Care.

“The Avocado grabs back” A Warwick for Avocado march is planned this weekend. Details tbc. Follow Warwick Avocado and its sister account Warwick Hummus for more information.