The Hoarchive

Warwick student-run newspaper The Boar announced earlier this week plans to up the ratio of Warwick-themed news in their print media, with the goal of publishing five Warwick items to every one regular news item by the end of Term 2.

“From focus groups we discovered something surprising – that there exists an extremely positive correlation between Boar readers and Warwick students,” explained spokesperson Ariel Pearson.

This data was then confirmed through questionnaires distributed via the “The Boar: University of Warwick Students’ Newspaper, Produced Entirely by and for Warwick Students” Facebook page, which concluded that over 80% of Boar readers polled have studied or are currently studying at Warwick university.

Pearson explains that the proposed increase is intended to move the paper more in line with audience interests. “When you have such a strong demographic it’s important to drop everything else to cater towards it.

We [at the Boar] know what our readers want, what they really, really want. And that’s a newspaper that puts Warwick news front page. Boring, so-called ‘real’ news can go somewhere in the middle.”

Although the contents of the newspaper’s next issue remain, as always, highly classified, Pearson was able to drop some hints of what to expect from the new, Warwick-oriented Boar.

“We have already received some very promising article prompts, for instance ‘Benefits of the Bread Oven Diet’, ‘Which Hogwarts House Does the Koan Belong in’, ‘How the News of Beyoncé’s Twin Pregnancy Could Affect Your Accommodation Choices’ … you know, the news that really matters.”

Patrons of the paper concerned for their favourite sections are being told to put their minds at rest, as all of the above are intended to run alongside regular Boar features, such as Vague Details of a Nightclub Altercation, and Poorly Compressed Teach First Ad.

When asked what impact this move could have on an already deeply insular student culture, the representative’s response was short: “Bubble? What bubble?”