“Quite probable” link found between Kebab shops and extremism

A connection has been hypothesised between exposure to the absolute worst of western society, and the extreme vehemence with which some people hold their hatred for it.

As troubled youths throughout Europe flock to war zones to take up arms brutally against the societies in which they were raised — Europeans are having to undergo some serious soul-searching, specifically on the question “do they hate us because we’re shit?”. The issue is further exacerbated by the exposure of minority groups to experiences classified from ‘strongly unpleasant’ to ‘the absolute fucking worst’ elements of occidental society. Generally, this covers anything from racist old gits on the bus to decadent drunk pudgy middle-class kids in kebab shops.

An employee at the Sam and Ella 5 Star Kebab Housewho hasn’t asked to remain nameless, but has been kept nameless so as to create an impression of importance, elicited his experiences;

“I considered myself a peace-loving democrat right up until I saw a slightly overweight lady in tight-clad leather fondling the willy of a semi-conscious cricket player as he returns his half-inhaled doner in semi-digested kit-pack form into its original container, from there on out, I’ve been open to all sorts of ideas… this cannot be the future”

“The materialism, shallow racism, hell, even Trump, I could tolerate. But if I hear Mr Brightside at 4am through puddles of vomit and urine, then I’ll be coming out of my cage, and, to make certain, I won’t be doing just fine”.

Authorities have responded by reaching out to disaffected groups, launching an “it’s not you, it’s me” campaign. However, calls are being made to move away from ‘preventing’ potential ideologues, to ‘preventing’ the debasement of human decency that calls for this reaction.