The Hoarchive

Satire, freshly squeezed from Warwick Uni

Breaking: #KoanMustFall Protesters create Campus Blockade

#KoanMustFall

Breaking: #KoanMustFall Protesters create Campus Blockade

In a fit of blind activist rage, students have taken to the streets to bring campus to halt; a grinding halt, kind of like the grinding you’d expect from the Koan; in fury at the realisation that they can no longer Koan-done the egregious monument at the heart of campus. The old faces, with their Barbour jackets and designer stubble, march once more. Though for once, their cause is new, as are the barrage of chants they’ve been tacking together over the last few weeks.

Cornelius, a stagecoach bus driver, was less impressed, saying that he “can’t understand what’s got them so riled, we’re having to divert buses for what? A futile protest about an architectural misidentification! The Koan isn’t Brutalist, and even if it was, Brutalism only made it as far as Yugoslavia… [he goes on a tangent about the innovative cost-based approach witnessed in the Belgrade school]… needless, it’s just a statue, a harmless, tasteless, modernist statue. They just want their names, and cashmere fused scarves,  in the local paper, this is about them, not eradicating the past”.

Though his air of indifference wasn’t shared on the ground, 11th year sociology student and #KMF activist, Barry Wot, declared “the fire in our hearts will not be quenched by authoritative platitudes, they have kicked the wasps’ nest!”, asked what this meant, Barry went off on one about something he’d read in a Naomi Klein article, but we weren’t really listening at this point.

The University hasn’t been contacted for comment.

Keep track of The Hoar page for updates as and when they happen, not that we plan to make changes, but we like to think of you all looking at our page.