Confusion over doggy de-stress day
As some students relish the chance to forget about their various existential crises, others have got the wrong end of the stick entirely.
Groups of individuals and their respective torches were first spotted at about 23:00 on Sunday night loitering around a car park in Westwood (How anyone found out about that is a mystery). Security couldn’t have been prepared for what was in store for them.
“All the same, after a day of lecturing and research I’m just looking for cheap thrills in the back of a Peugeot 106 while I let strangers watch.”
The Hoar managed to get an interview with a member of this shadowy congregation. Due to standing applications for TeachFirst and McDonalds, we cannot disclose their identity, the car park we met in, or who finished first.
“It’s perfectly natural, humans weren’t made to spend their time with only one other individual and it’s a way to express frustration at the way society makes us feel ashamed of what we do. Well, being honest, that’s what gets me off. All the same, after a day of lecturing and research I’m just looking for cheap thrills in the back of a Peugeot 106 while I let strangers watch, it’s one way to let your hair down.”
Our reporter, after clearing their throat, thanked the participant for the information so keenly volunteered – regardless of whether this was just another facet of their fetish or not – but that was sadly all we could get out of them before they dashed off to WBS for a seminar; keeping the mask on, strangely enough.
Eager to get as much information on the scandal as possible, our reporter spoke to one of the library staff in charge of the Canine Caressing sessions to see if they could explain the situation any further.
“We had a guy turn up in a long overcoat the other day looking quite red in the face asking which car park the ‘Dogging de-stress’ would take place in.”
“It originally started with the previous head librarian, Keith Lard – he was totally fixated on dogs and he’d have his own particular dog brought in for the entirety of the sessions due to ‘extreme stress’. They’d spend the whole week cooped up in that office and we never saw the dog again in future sessions. Must have exhausted the poor thing, I’d hate to think how though. There’s only so much love one person can share with a dog before it gets weird, Old Yeller and Marley included – even they were borderline as far as I’m concerned.”
Bringing the noticeably excited librarian back to the topic we asked if any incidents had occurred in the library related to this spate of reported dogging across campus.
“It’s a bit of a sensitive topic given the nature of the situation, we had a guy turn up in a long overcoat the other day looking quite red in the face asking which car park the ‘Dogging de-stress’ would take place in. It was a conversation I had to keep under wraps and take into a corner because we had a group of students on an open day near the desk and I had no idea that anyone else had been CC’d into that email. I explained that it was a terrible mistake on his part. Luckily he just frowned then muttered something about marking essays and walked off.”
Upon further questioning about emails that may have been circulated on the matter the librarian didn’t seem to notice and was just staring blankly at the barriers. “Shame he left so quickly, I was pretty game myself.”