The Hoarchive

Satire, freshly squeezed from Warwick Uni

Contactless card clash crisis clouds campus

Swiping the library turnstiles with a contactless bank card will cost students £2.20, in a fresh effort to extract cash from us.

Contactless card clash crisis clouds campus

The controversy was first discovered when physics student G U Thierry decided to give more than a cursory glance at her bank statement and she saw that something didn’t add up.

“Ever since I came to uni I’ve been keeping all my receipts, just like my mum said, but I didn’t do anything with them. Last week I had I read one of those ‘new year, new me’ posts on Facebook and I thought, what the heck?”

After three days, twenty-two cups of coffee and five orders of Dominoes she had matched up every charge on her bank statement with a legitimate purchase, except for a series of ‘£2.20’ charges to Warwick on Wednesday night.

“I thought, maybe I bought something weird at Pop, but then my friend told me I’d tried repeatedly to enter the library with my bank card, instead of my library card.”

The crisis came to a head on social media yesterday when a leaked document, signed by the VC, proved that the university had set up these “charges”, commencing 1 January.

A statement from WFFEE (Warwick for Free Entry & Exit) claimed, “This just proves that the university is being run as a place of business, draining students of money instead of enriching our education. […] To the university, we are walking wallets, not students.”

French and history student, Ima Noyd commented, “This takes ‘hidden course costs’ to a new level. Every time I want to go into the TRC I’m being charged £1.40, and if I have to take a toilet break, I pay another £1.40 to come back in again!”

When asked if she would now start taking her library card out of her wallet to avoid card clash, Ms Noyd simply explained, “I have essays to write. I don’t have time for things like that.”

A government agency was approached for comment but they responded with only the offer of a loan to cover the costs of the transactions. As we walked away we heard mutterings of an EEEF bill (Exit & Entry Excellence Framework) which would allow qualifying universities to raise the charges they placed on entering university buildings by 11.2% each year.

After the success of the recent Slate occupation, WFFEE are said to be planning another in protest of the charges. However, rumours are rife that, after being hit heavily by the card clash crisis, they’re not able to afford enough hummus right now for another occupation.